The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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