You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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