I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
