im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
