You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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