just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize