you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
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just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
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i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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