If i come over, it means nothing
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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