I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
