you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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