he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
