Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
