All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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