I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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