my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
