No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
