if i can run in heels then i can drive
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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