There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
