If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
