Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
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