i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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