Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
