sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
