I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
They have beer where we have blood.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
