i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal