Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."