The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we made out on top of his cat.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"