In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.