I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
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Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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