I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I will be naked everywhere
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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