you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I love having hate sex.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
