the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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