I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
