I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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