Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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