i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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