YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
