Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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