VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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