i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
