plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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