i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
