Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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