Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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