I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
