hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
