..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
