I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
