Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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