..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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