She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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