im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
