I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
