I can text with my tongue
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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