I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
