3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just pynch a tree in the face
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
