If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
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i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
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Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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