Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
