i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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