My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
