i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
