Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
