O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
