my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
