3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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