i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
