I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
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She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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