If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
