After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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